Over the course of my life, I’ve been facing periods of extreme highs and equally extreme lows. From drinking myself to the point of not remembering anything the next day to being a teetotaler for a whole year. From walking eleven thousand steps every single day to just walking to and from the car. From full social media abstinence to scrolling Reels for hours on end, not remembering a single piece of content I consumed. Whenever I’d face inevitable periods of uncertainty or sadness, I’d either find this strange, almost superhuman motivation to work on improving an area of my life, or I’d go all-in on a number of instantly gratifying but ultimately destructive habits as a sort of tacit punishment for feeling that way. This has been a pattern for me for at least decade and a half. I just realized that, while I subscribe to the idea of extreme ownership, I never truly embraced it. I’ve always pushed this message of “struggle gives life a meaning”, but I’ve also been avoiding the ultimate struggle: coming to terms with my uncomfortable emotions. Processing them completely. Not escape them, through good or bad habits.
This is my life. It’s time to take full responsibility for it.